Veracity
by Teagan
Summary: HarrySnape[SLASH]It hurts Potter doesn’t it?”


**Title:_ Veracity_**

**Pairing:** **_Harry/Snape_**

**A/N: ** **_This is a crueler Snape I think…and a more depressed Harry. But the pair defiantly goes hand in hand. _**

_**Cheers,**_

_**Teagan**_

It had been four…no, that wasn't right….six? Yes, six days since Snape told him to get out and never come back. He held a daily prophet in his hands still shocked and confused to how everything that happened the way it had.

Harry had never felt so cold in his entire life. Never. His eyes seemed stuck open as if he would never sleep again. And it was true. Sleep rarely came to Harry these days and because of the last day's events, it seemed to have worsened. Sometimes Harry swore he stopped breathing…for minutes…hours at a time. Like he just plain forgot how to live.

…and of course no one understood.

"_You will not stay at Hogwarts this summer." Snape said sternly not looking up from his book as he added two pinches of dried grasshopper to a potion he was making. "What?" Harry asked surprised. "But you told me to find a damn job! And Madam Hooch, she needs help with the first year flying lessons and…." _

_Snape glared at him for a moment, eyes flashing something unrecognizable. "You will not stay. If you wish to do so you can find your own housing." The older man said dryly. _

_Harry looked at him confused, "You know that there are no more rooms for people other than students! Harry growled." God damnit! What is your problem?" _

_Snape said nothing as he turned a page of his potion book. "Well!" Harry demanded. "Consider why lies outside the Walls of Hogwarts, and then perhaps we'll speak of this again once you've gained an ounce of intelligence Potter." _

No…he really wasn't breathing …or maybe…no. No he was. He was breathing. In and out…in and out. It wasn't hard if he concentrated. But…it just didn't go away. The nagging and the pain and everything he always wished he could forget. It all came back. It all reformed. And even things that long ago seemed unimportant and minor filled Harry's mind with despair and worry.

Six days.

Six days wasn't enough for Harry.

It wasn't enough for the loneliness and realization of everything to sink in. For six days Harry found it nearly impossible to survive. To breathe…to do much of anything really.

"_It's like he doesn't want me here…" Harry told Lupin one afternoon. Lupin shrugged, "I've never known Snape to be a nice man Harry…"_

_Harry looked up. "I know but…he's…." Harry bit his lip. What was the word? A basturd? Emotionless?" I don't know…but it's like he thinks I'm settling." Lupin raised a brow. "Come again?" _

_Harry rolled his eyes, "…You know settling. For him. For Hogwarts. For here. Not going out and looking." _

_Lupin sighed. "Maybe you are." _

_Harry said nothing for some time. "Maybe." He admitted. _

Oh god…they would never….Snape…Severus would never be HIS again. He would never get to hear those shaky pants that made Harry believe that Snape loved him. Even though he could never say it. Would never say it….it made it all seem true.

Harry closed his eyes and laid flat on his back on the wooden floor of his small one room apartment in muggle London. Behind black lids he could see Snape, and Hogwarts.

Home.

_A bag flew at Harry and hit him right in the stomach. Harry stumbled but caught himself on one of Snape's chairs. "What the…?" Harry asked looking at Severus who was standing with his arms held tightly at his sides. "What did I tell you Potter?" Snape asked. _

_Harry scratched his head, "To never leave my dirty clothes on your floor for the house elves to find?" _

_Snape growled angrily. "I told you to leave, and since you are clearly incapable of doing any thing asked of you, let me assist." Snape said pointing at the bag near his feet. _

"_What the hell is your problem?" Harry shouted suddenly angered. Snape began," You will leave and you will not…" _

"_You're just scared!" Harry hissed snatching his bag from the floor. "Of what pray tell Potter?" Snape snarled._

"_You're scared that…that the only reason I'm here is because I'm settling. Because I'm settling for you and…" Harry panted face feeling hot," You think I could do better." _

_A thick silence filled the room. "Leave Potter." Snape growled turning on his heal. "That's it isn't it!" Harry said raising his voice again. Snape kept walking towards his potion supplies room, away from Harry. _

"_You're just fucking scared! You such a god damned coward Snape!"_

_Harry wasn't sure how it happened, but Snape's hands were around his throat and he was pushed back against a desk. His chest was compressed by all of Snape's weight making him feel slightly uncomfortable and aroused at the same time. _

"_You stay here Potter, fine…because that's what you want right? An old man sleeping in your bed, fucking you, while the rest of the world watches and laughs. You're an idiot; an idiot who believe he's found love in a man nearly twice his age." Snape paused to smirk cruelly, "But an idiot none the less."_

_Harry whimpers. "It hurts Potter doesn't it?" Harry said nothing but tried to look away. Snape's wrong…Snape's…he's not…_

"_It's not hard to be an actor Potter. It's not hard to pretend is it? You pretended to be unaffected by the world around you, and I…" Snape paused for a moment causing Harry to look at him, "and I, on the other hand pretended to be interested in the boy who lived. The savior of the Wizarding World. " _

_Harry pushed Snape away sat up on the desk feeling dizzy. _

"_I hate you…" _

_Snape smirked, "You wish you did now, don't you?" _

So stupid…He'd been to blind. So…

What would he do now? What did he have now? Snape was something…Snape made things seem far more bearable than they were. But Snape had also said it all. Told him it straight.

He wasn't wanted.

He wasn't needed.

He was, in no way loved.

Oh God it felt like he wasn't breathing again. His chest swelled and his throat hurt. Like everything was just trying to burst out of him. All the pain and all the things Harry longed to ask Snape. God…it filled him so full, it was almost as though he needed no water or drink to survive. The truth took away all hunger and all want for survival anyways.

"_I can't…I can't…" Harry panted as Ron looked at him nervously. "Harry, mate, Dumbledore told us that you had a potions accident. That you need to stay away from Hogwarts for a bit." _

_Harry clenched his hands on the seat below him. Was that what Dumbledore told everyone? Was that what he really thought? No. Dumbledore wasn't dumb. Never that dumb. Hermione rushed over and pulled out her wand. She pressed the tip to Harry's head. Suddenly he felt very tired. _

"_You'll stay here at least for the night. We have plenty of room." She whispered as he felt himself being carried. Harry tired to find the strength to reject the muggle born, but it seemed he had none left. _

Harry----

I hope this finds you in good health. Albus owled me not to long ago, told me minor details of what happened, and also that you would be staying with Ron and Hermione for a day or two. I truly hope you are well, and always know your welcome at the Order House anytime.

Sincerely---

Remus

Harry set the letter down and scratched his forehead.

He had left Hermione's and Ron's the next morning and still they knew nothing of what happened between Him and their hated Professor Snape. Even Lupin who Harry had confided in seemed oblivious to what had occurred.

He tried not to look at the paper again or read the headline, because it seemed so terribly surreal.

"_**Local Suicide: Hogwarts Potions Master found dead" **_

Harry felt his chest swell again and he wished he could go back in time and ask Snape if his words were true. If he really wasn't loved. But he couldn't. So when a green light flashed before Harry's eyes because of his own doing, it was okay.

Because finally things didn't hurt so much.


End file.
